Real Love

(Probably my favorite cover of any song...ever.)

I am an absolute firm believer that love is the single most important thing that has ever, does ever, and will ever exist on earth, and that it is the number one reason we are on it.

That is it, plain and simple: we must love one another.

I have talked to so many people about issues in school, or in government and politics, and even religion. There are so many people that I see who tragically get caught up in little things that they don't understand and miss out on all of the blessings and happiness that life and God have to offer. There is so much hate, and misunderstanding in the world, and it really breaks my heart.

I don't believe that there is a way I can adequately express the thoughts I have on the subject. It's so very hard to explain, but my heart is just so full! I feel so strongly about this! I feel that there is no room for hate, and that there is always an opportunity to love and accept the people around us... EVEN those who wrong us or who do terrible things.

Everybody sins. We're human. And even if you don't believe in God or religion, you can't deny that everybody on earth makes mistakes.

We all suffer and struggle with different temptations.

However, we all struggle individually, not collectively, and so the battle against sin in the fight for truth and righteousness often becomes a battle of judging, misunderstanding, and judgement. Because we are so limited by our earthly knowledge, how can we ever look at a person and expect to be able to judge completely their character, and their motives, and their silent struggles? Why would God allow His children to become judges of their fellow men if they did not posses the sufficient means to do so?

Ah! That's right! He didn't! :)

He gave that job to Himself didn't He?

You see... God knows and understands each and every single one of us individually, even better than we know ourselves. He understands our hearts and our complicated behaviors. And most of all He is oh so loving and merciful. He loves us. That is where I take my comfort and that is who I try to take my example from.

He loves, and so should I.

It's not my job to understand everything, that's God's job.

It's not my job to judge those who wrong me or do things I disagree with, that's God's job.

It IS my job to love everyone around me, because they're struggling just as much as I am. They get just as insecure as I get. They want to be happy just as much as I do.

It IS my job to have faith, and to trust that God will do what is best for me and for everyone around me because He LOVES us SO SO MUCH!

So on that thought, I feel that it is so very important to let the people we love know just how much we love them. I try to make sure to never let a day go by that I don't tell my parents I love them. I try to let my friends know just how much I love and appreciate them also!

Sometimes I fail though at the second part.

Confession time: I, Jadyn Maree, am in fact an introvert.

It is true, and being shy is something that I have been able to make great strides in conquering thanks to the incredible friends I have been blessed to have! :)

However, while I have been able to  overcome my anxiety in facing and conversing with people, I still have my moments.

Exhibit A. It took me an entire semester to start making some actual friends at Basha High School my junior year.

Exhibit B: I stayed in the Institute building yesterday for a few hours between classes and could NOT could NOT bring myself to talk to anybody. I tried... oh boy did I try! But every single person there it seemed was a return missionary, and as soon as I'd try to talk to them they'd either nonchalantly mention their girlfriend or their WIFE... I mean, seriously! 

WHYCAN'TIJUSTBEFRIENDLYWITHOUTYOUTHINKINGIWANTOMARRYYOU???

So instead of being social, I sat in the corner, reading my book, avoiding human contact.

Exhibit C: I have never had a boyfriend. I have never been good at flirting. I am just awkward around boys that I think are the bee's knees okay?

I have a hard time confronting people. I also have a hard time expressing my feelings.

It is a rare occurance that I am able to express what I feel into words... even sometimes on this blog it takes time and bravery to really put my heart on my sleeve and find the words that are right for what I want to say.

So telling my friends what they really mean to me can sometimes come across as awkward, or weird, or rehearsed, or... seriously, it's just bad.

And it's ironic, because of JUST HOW STRONGLY I feel that I need to make sure that the people I love know that I love them!

So friends... from best friend to mere acquaintance, you need to know just how much I love you and appreciate you.

Because it is impossible to come into contact with a person, however brief it may be, without affecting their universe in some way shape or form.

And every human relationship matters.

It does.

So thank you for your influence, your friendship, and your acceptance. Or maybe, thank you for your criticism, your heartbreak, and your betrayal. I learned and benefited equally from each experience and interaction, and I am a changed person for having met you. :)

And I love you.

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So on a not completely unrelated topic, I have a confession.

In my attempts to be more honest with myself and in being comfortable with sharing my feelings, I would like to allow this blog to be both my sounding board and my venting session for the next few paragraphs.

There is this person, and I very much admire them.

However, I feel badly for admiring them.

This person isn't the most popular or people amongst my group of friends, and has even been in a relationship with a close friend of mine... talk about a major no-no.

*deep breaths*

But I can't help the way I feel and in all honesty I have never felt this strongly about a single person before because in all honesty this person is the absolute epitome of the the perfect human being.

Whenever I am with him I feel like a better person.

This person is the only person I have ever been able to completely open up to. While I am normally floundering for the right words in religious discussions, the words come easier than breathing in discussions with him.

We are on the same page about nearly everything, but we are not so alike that we are the male and female version of each other.

All I do is laugh when I am with this person.

This person laughs at my stupid jokes.

I have watched this person through two girlfriends, and have been there for them after both break ups.

For so long I have wanted to take this person, tell them how I feel, and seriously just kiss their face without reservation!
I mean, that's how Jim Halpert got Pam Beasley right?

But really...? Me? Tell someone I care about that deeply how I really FEEL?

Without reservation?

We must be talking about another Jadyn Maree.

I have never been able to do it.

I've never even been able to hint at it.

But this person will be going off to college soon, and a mission promptly after that and I'm starting to feel that I have nothing left to loose, and that it's "now or never".

It's something I've been brewing over for quite some time but after spending all morning with this person I just felt over and over again the confirmation that I need to be brave and just freaking DO IT!

Between my torn feelings of betrayal towards my friends who I know have bitter feelings towards this person and my fear or rejection who knows if I'll actually do it.

But I'm starting to think that for once in my life I need to stop THINKING and start ACTING on what my heart tells me to do!

...but I may need a kissing lesson before I do... :S