The other day I was talking to a couple of friends of mine about the gym I frequent. I was raving about how much I loved it, how it was close, SUPER cheap, and had everything I needed for a well-rounded workout (like I said... raaaving!).
My only gripe, as I told them, was that my body loves working out in the evening and I always have to be super careful and on my guard whenever I go alone.
While the girls nodded in understanding, my guy friends were baffled.
"Wait... what do you mean? Why on earth do you have to be careful if you go by yourself? I mean, what difference does it make?"
It was MY turn to be baffled! All growing up my mom had taught me so much about street safety; about how to make myself look like less of a target, and how to prepare myself should I be approached.
-Always have your keys in your hand BEFORE you leave the store.
-Never just sit in your car after getting in, just leave.
-Don't put those "my family" stickers on the back of your car, or any sticker that labels you as a woman.
-Don't put those "my family" stickers on the back of your car, or any sticker that labels you as a woman.
-If you can, take a buddy with you to the store at night. And if you can't, take small children. They are unpredictable.
Just in case you're wondering... I'm talking about rape.
The real kind, not the kind that stupid teenagers shout about when they're trying to be imbeciles.
What I had grown up being taught, not everybody knew about. My sweet guy friends had never had to worry as much about being "targets" because that's not their world, that's not what they have to be aware of. Even some of my girl friends I see doing things (things that I am guilty of as well from time to time) that go against everything I have ever been taught!
Today I read an article whose contents I want to publish on my blog. I know that my blog is not that heavily trafficked (spelling maybe?), but even so... these things are so important to be aware of! This article was written off of a study that was taken from an interview with actual rapists who were inmates at the same prison and is called "Through A Rapist's Eyes". These things are real.
What my sweet friends didn't know is what I am afraid so many other women don't know either: the main thing is how easy of a target you appear. The easier you look to overpower and the quicker he thinks he'll be able to attack you, the better. The two following lists are taken directly from the article:
1] The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle.
They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid, or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.
2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.
3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.
4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.
5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.
6] Number three is public restrooms.
7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.
8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.
9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas,or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.
10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it.
They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun! , braid, or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.
2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who’s clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.
3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.
4] The number one place women are abducted from / attacked at is grocery store parking lots.
5] Number two is office parking lots/garages.
6] Number three is public restrooms.
7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don’t have to worry about getting caught.
8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn’t worth it because it will be time-consuming.
9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas,or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.
10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you’re not worth it.
Points To Always Remember:
1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: can’t believe it is so cold out here, we’re in for a bad winter. Now that you’ve seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.
2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.
3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.
4] If someone grabs you, you can’t beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh - HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.
5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there.
6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.
7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.
2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they’d leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.
3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.
4] If someone grabs you, you can’t beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh - HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.
5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy’s parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you’ll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he’s out of there.
6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.
7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don’t dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you’d feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.
Other points to remember? Your elbow is the strongest point in your body. If you can, then use it! If a robber asks for your wallet or purse, do NOT hand it to him. Throw is away from you and BOOK IT in the other direction (the robber wants your money more than he wants you). If you're thrown in a trunk, kick out the tail lights and start waving like mad... the driver won't see you, but everybody else will. Pay attention in parking lots. Who is parked next to you. Often times, predators wait in large vans a grab their victims as they're getting into their drivers seat. If you are parked next to a suspiscious car or character don't be afraid to enter from the opposite side, or to go straight back into the store and ask for a guard to escort you out. Again, better to feel silly than the be dead. If the predator has a gun and has not yet overpowered you, RUN! It's harder to hit a moving target than a stagnant one, and the chances of him hitting a vital organ are slim... JUST RUN!
And lastly? Girls? As women we are always trying to be sympathetic but we need to STOP IT! As the article points out, the serial killer Ted Bundy was an extremely charismatic and attractive man who would prey on the sympathies of women. One of my mom's friends actually had a sister who was killed by Ted Bundy! This stuff is real. Don't be afraid to defend yourself. Don't be embarassed about feeling "paranoid". Don't make yourself a target.
I'm sorry if this post seems like a bit of a downer, trust me - it isn't meant to scare you! ...or is it? ;)
Nah, I'm just trying to educate. We shouldn't be so afraid of this kind of stuff that we never leave our front doors. We just need to prepare ourselves so that we can prevent these situations from happening to us as much as we possibly can!
Take self defense classes, I hear most local police departments host some kind of self-defense class every now and again. Carry pepper spray. BE AWARE.
That is all I have to say on the topic.
Have a lovely day now. :)
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