It all started with this giant homework assignment that was due today in Women and Films that I put off until last night. And by giant homework assignment, I mean a tiny double-sided worksheet that looked like it would take twenty minutes but actually took twenty eons to complete.
I was falling asleep, and my answers stopped making sense after about 11:00 pm, so I decided to call it quits, wake up early the next morning, and finish it then. I had enough time, right? Plus I didn't have that much more to go, I could totes pull it off, right?
Well, the next morning I wake up. The sun is shining, the birds are signing, and I have slept in FOURTY FIVE MINUTES LATE!!!! I sprint into the bathroom, take a quick shower, put on some clothes, look in the mirror, and...
...the three largest zits I have ever seen are all throwing a party on my upper lip, chin, and cheek. You know the kind, the kind that are ginormous, and flourescent red, and hurt even without touching, and won't pop when you try to pop them but only seem to swell up bigger?
Yep, I just went to pimple land and back.
So I try to look past the hideousness that is now my face and get on with applying the morning's makeup. I have successfully applied eye shadow, mascara, and am about to slap on the eyeliner when all of a sudden my left eye starts fu-REAKING out! As in squinting shut and crying out in pain, because my eyelashes thought it would be funny to play red rover and send one lash on over... except it didn't quite make it and had made a snug home near the bottom of my eyeball.
Nice guys. Nice.
Suffice to say, it took quite a bit of time to fetch the painful little bugger out, and by the time he was I had already lost a significant amount of time in my getting ready!
Remember, I had to get to school early to finish my homework!
Work with me, people! Work with me!
So I finish my makeup, do my hair a bit, and rush back into my room to find clothes. I figured today would have to be a slouchy day, so I grabbed a pair of sweats, a tee shirt, and some tennis shoes. Except who thought it would be cool to develop a hole in their seat??? Yes, my pants. So instead of deciding to give all of Chandler-Gilbert a show, I huffed and puffed and changed into some stretchy jeans (stretchy jeans are the best man), grabbed my back pack, and sprinted down the stairs to fill up my water bottle (you know... the one that never leaves my side?)
So in the year or so I have been carrying my giant awesome water bottle around I have developed this cool way of balancing the jug under the water dispenser in the fridge so that it holds itself in place, thus giving me time to do whatever it is I need to do whilst it is filling up.
So today I put the jug in place and let it do its thing like I do every morning, only today I noticed that my mother was having problems with the television. The sound wasn't working... nice. So, being the techincal wizard that I am *coughcough* I started trying to help her, which in the end worked. Booyah for the Hicks gals, right?!
Wrong.
Because when I turn around...
...that's right. I had forgotten to monitor the water bottle... and it was all. over. the. place.
The fridge, the tile, the rug. It was horrific. And I was was starting to get at my wits end with all of this bad luck! So, in a flustered frustrated frenzy (oooh! alliteration is fun!) I grabbed the kitchen rag and dried off my water bottle. Hoisting my backpack onto my back, I bid my mother adieu and ran straight for the front door, banana and water bottle in hand. I reached for the doorknob and, who knows how, suddenly felt the skin on my pointer finger being peeled right off.
Somehow the screw on the knob had managed to eat my finger. And now it was bleeding profusely. And I was just like...
I was falling asleep, and my answers stopped making sense after about 11:00 pm, so I decided to call it quits, wake up early the next morning, and finish it then. I had enough time, right? Plus I didn't have that much more to go, I could totes pull it off, right?
Well, the next morning I wake up. The sun is shining, the birds are signing, and I have slept in FOURTY FIVE MINUTES LATE!!!! I sprint into the bathroom, take a quick shower, put on some clothes, look in the mirror, and...
...the three largest zits I have ever seen are all throwing a party on my upper lip, chin, and cheek. You know the kind, the kind that are ginormous, and flourescent red, and hurt even without touching, and won't pop when you try to pop them but only seem to swell up bigger?
Yep, I just went to pimple land and back.
So I try to look past the hideousness that is now my face and get on with applying the morning's makeup. I have successfully applied eye shadow, mascara, and am about to slap on the eyeliner when all of a sudden my left eye starts fu-REAKING out! As in squinting shut and crying out in pain, because my eyelashes thought it would be funny to play red rover and send one lash on over... except it didn't quite make it and had made a snug home near the bottom of my eyeball.
Nice guys. Nice.
Suffice to say, it took quite a bit of time to fetch the painful little bugger out, and by the time he was I had already lost a significant amount of time in my getting ready!
Remember, I had to get to school early to finish my homework!
Work with me, people! Work with me!
So I finish my makeup, do my hair a bit, and rush back into my room to find clothes. I figured today would have to be a slouchy day, so I grabbed a pair of sweats, a tee shirt, and some tennis shoes. Except who thought it would be cool to develop a hole in their seat??? Yes, my pants. So instead of deciding to give all of Chandler-Gilbert a show, I huffed and puffed and changed into some stretchy jeans (stretchy jeans are the best man), grabbed my back pack, and sprinted down the stairs to fill up my water bottle (you know... the one that never leaves my side?)
So in the year or so I have been carrying my giant awesome water bottle around I have developed this cool way of balancing the jug under the water dispenser in the fridge so that it holds itself in place, thus giving me time to do whatever it is I need to do whilst it is filling up.
So today I put the jug in place and let it do its thing like I do every morning, only today I noticed that my mother was having problems with the television. The sound wasn't working... nice. So, being the techincal wizard that I am *coughcough* I started trying to help her, which in the end worked. Booyah for the Hicks gals, right?!
Wrong.
Because when I turn around...
...that's right. I had forgotten to monitor the water bottle... and it was all. over. the. place.
The fridge, the tile, the rug. It was horrific. And I was was starting to get at my wits end with all of this bad luck! So, in a flustered frustrated frenzy (oooh! alliteration is fun!) I grabbed the kitchen rag and dried off my water bottle. Hoisting my backpack onto my back, I bid my mother adieu and ran straight for the front door, banana and water bottle in hand. I reached for the doorknob and, who knows how, suddenly felt the skin on my pointer finger being peeled right off.
Somehow the screw on the knob had managed to eat my finger. And now it was bleeding profusely. And I was just like...
...seriously? Angrily now, I slammed my stuff onto the ground and ran into my parents' room for a band-aid. I was now officially running late and bleeding out on top of it! I mean seriously, what else could go wrong?!?
(never again will I ask myself that question)
So I drive to school safely and get there in record time. However, I am still stressing about that homework assignment, and all I could think was, "There goes my A, there goes my A, there goes my A" (straight A's are pretty much required this semester in order for my GPA to still qualify for my scholarship).
Luckily, I did have a little bit of time to work on it before class started, and luckily my classroom was conventiantly located on the second floor of the school library!
So I sit down at a table where a cute girl from my ward was sitting and took out my homework. The conversation went as follows:
Jadyn: Hey Susie Whatserbutt, how are you?
Susie: I'm great, how are you?
Jadyn: I'm great thanks, just trying to finish up the homework.
Susie: Oh yeah, I totally finished that, it took forever though!
Jadyn: I know, right?
Susie: Yeah, so did you do the reading for Psychology?
Jadyn: ...
Susie: Oh that's okay, it wasn't that hard. We just learned about conditioning yourself to learn new things... like how Jim taught Dwight to expect those Altoids after he turned off his computer every day.
Jadyn: Oh yeah! That totally makes sense, thanks for the heads up!
Susie: Yeah, no problem! I'm just glad that I actually read the material, I always feel better prepared.
Jadyn: ...
Susie: So which article did you read?
Jadyn: Article?
Susie: ...for class. The one you were supposed to print out and bring in. Didn't you do that?
Jadyn: ...
Gosh, I SWEAR I remembered telling myself not to forget to print that stupid article, so now on top of not having my homework done, I wasn't prepared at all for class.. AT ALL. Now was the time for me to accept my inevitable future of looserdom, purchase some raggedy clothes from Goodwill, and build a shack in front of the QT to live in, because I did not deserve to dwell in that room of scholars.
So I walk into class, and the teacher is all, "If you didn't read and bring in an article, leave my presence! To the hall with you sniveling non-homework doers! Away with you!"
So I sat in the hall and sniveled like a two year old child in time out with the rest of the community college hoodlums who didn't believe in complying with the man.
I didn't choose the thug life.
The thug life chose me.
So class gets out and I take a deep breath, because now was the time to drive over to Arion Care Solutions to get my car checked and paper-worked so that I could being legally driving my clients around. I open my backpack to grab my keys when I realize something dreadful: I had left my wallet, clutch, and ALL of my paperwork at home.
This meant I had to drive back home, fetch the darned paperwork, and then drive all the way back to the freeway so I could head on over to Dobson... talk about GAS WASTAGE!
But it had to be done... so on the way home I started talking myself back up. "Things can only get better from here Jadyn! Just try to find the blessings in disguise! Now you'll get to grab some lunch before you head out again!"
The talking up helped, and I had divised a plan in my head to grab my paperwork, make a quick egg sandwhich, and be on my way.
I walk into my home. I run upstairs. I go to where my paperwork should be (in the disaster that is my room) and it is nowhere in sight. I run downstairs into the office. No paperwork. Not on the front entry table, not on the piano, not in the kitchen... nowhere. So frantically I run over to the computer to see if I can re-file and re-print my driving record (which was the most important thing I was missing) and of course their website tells me:
For you conveniance, we do not take transactions between the hours of 11:50 am and 12:30 pm. Feel free to shoot yourself now.
By this point I was ready to do jsut that, but by the grace of who knows what I was FINALLY able to find my folder in my pile of laundry (I don't even know) and my driving record under a box in my brother's room. And my mother was sweet enough to heat me up some lunch to take (because of course I was now running late and had no time to fix myself something to eat), but sadly I was less than gracious in my thanking her due to my enraged nerves.
I grab all of my stuff in my arms.
I run out the door.
I drop my keys upon walking outside.
I pick them up and sprint into my car.
I realize upon entering the car that I am not going to be able to eat the delicious microwave enchilada my mom heatedup for me because it uses a fork... so I devise a plan to stuff my face at the stop lights.
Upon leaving my neighborhood, jammin' to classical music to keep myself from intentionally driving into the irrigation canal, I make a quick turn and my fork decideds to show off its acrobatic skills taking a good amount of enchilada sauce with it onto the rug of my car.
Now some people when they are angry punch a pillow. Some people draw caricatures of the things they are angry about on fire. But me?
I drove to my appointment in angry tears, running about 15 minutes late. T'was not a pretty sight folks. T'was not pretty.
So I get to the office, they test out my car, check all the functions, and take my paperwork to make copies, and you know what?
My driving record? The one I worked so hard to find? Turns out it was only the reciept of my driving record... so even now, I'm not 100% permited to drive... and it's definitley lost in oblivion because I have no feasible idea where on earth it could be.
But hey.
What'll you do?
Suffice to say I ate my weight in ice cream, frosting, and M&Ms when I got home, and after that I felt better.
Thank heavens for fatty, processed, sugary, etible matter.
And I think it's safe to say that the rest of my week is going to be fan-freaking-tastic... the Universe kidn of owes me. :)
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