A Russian Communist Hater Interrogated Me, My Dog Has Gas, And I Eat Lunch With A Canadian... You Kind Of Wish You Were Me Huh?

This is a true story! I almost died! ...ferserrious.

I was on my way to 6th hour (Basha only has 6 hours in the day... I know, weird right?) ready to take on the world. I had my very own theme music playing in my head and everything, it was grand!

Anyhow, our teacher had left sick the day before and we had had the most amazing subsitute teacher! She was a journalist. She talked like an auctioneer. She had cool hair. She won at life.

The next day was quite another story. Don't get offended at what I have to say next. Just move on and know that some people just have problems.

This. Woman. Had. THE. Most. ENOURMOUS. Boobs. On. The. Planet!

No joke!

And her English was so broken that we could barely understand her.

So while she was walkign around the room I was trying to figure out in my head where in the world she was from based on her accent. I wasn't having much luck. I decided to ask her.

So I was all, "Hey Ms... *trying to find her name on the board with no luck*... Miss. :) Are you from Russia?"

"NNNO! I HAT-E RUSSIA!"

And then she walked away.

I was like... "Whaaa?" and I couldn't help myself, I busted up laughing! I mean, really! So unexpected. It caught me so offguard!

But no sooner did I start laughing was I met again by the Communist-Hater.

"I don't-e see viye you ad-re laufing-e!"

I gained control of myself and breathed, "I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you. It's just what you said, 'No! I hate Russia!' It just caught me offguard!"

"OH!" And then she stalked away, only to return a few moments later...

"Vell, I guess I don't-e hat-e ALL of Russia. I mean-e, I'm-e sure the peepuhl-e there are nice-e and everyting, I just HAT-E COMMUNISM!!!!"

I mean, woa! I kind of wanted to move on and get to my warm up, but she was set on keeping us informed on her opinion of Russia (which I'm still debating whether she really isn't from...she calimed to be from Australia, but I dunno...)

So then it was time to write the answers from the homework on the board.

A cute girl named Oliva (the only LDS person in the class) and I did the first two.Then we sat down.

Simple as that.

Only, it wasn't to the teacher, because as soon as we started talking and waiting for the next two people to go up she walked over with her hands on her hips and asked me,

"Vere is the key?"

"The key to the homework?"

*exasperatedly* "YES! That vunne! Where is it-e?"

*startled and a confused* "I have no idea. You never gave me a key..."

*turning on Olivia* "Den you have it-e!"

"No I don't! I promise! I used my own homework, see?"

*Turning back to me* "Then you are lying!"

*Throwing my hands up * "No I promise I'm not! I used my homework-"

*Interrupting me and slaming her hands on my desk* Jadyn and Olivia both jump/scream in terror "DO NOT DENY! IF YOU LOST IT-E DEN YOU NEED TO TELL ME! STOP TRYING-E TO HID-E IT-E! TELL ME VERE YOU PUT IT-E! DO NOT DENY!"

Needless to say it took her a while to actually figure out that we didn't have a key of any sort.

It is also needless to say that after she found the key Olivia and I started laughing/crying... but mostly crying.

It is also needless to say that I peed my pants just a little when she started banging my desk.

And the moral of this story is:

Subsitute teachers are the best. :)

P.S. I've been watching Ghost Whisperer. Never heard of it until a few weeks ago and have been addicted to it with my mom ever since. I love it. And I was a baby when Jim died... I wanted to jump off a cliff or something. Now I'm just praying that things work out with Sam! And I hope that he realizes that he's really Jim and that he and Melinda belong together and that he eventually inherits Jim's face bcause Jim is pretty hot... Sam is not.

That is all. :)

The picture above is Jim visiting Melinda after he is dead. So romantic. So sad. So hot... I mean, neat.